I'm Back wtih Post Shavuot Thoughts

After more than a one month absence, I’m back…sort of. I feel a bit like I’m only half here, since my life seems just a bit crazy still. You see, while I teach people how to live life fully, mine has just a bit over full lately and totally unbalanced. I admit it; all I’ve been doing is working.

Since I last blogged, I’ve reorganized and republished my Kabbalah of Conscious Creation booklet. I’ve prepared for a trip to Chicago, where I gave two talks and led one workshop. While there I did manage to visit two friends, whom I stayed with and another woman I knew and whose horses I used to ride. (I visited my favorite horse, too.) I also recorded a CD of meditations. I came back home to finish writing a book proposal and two articles and to finish helping my new webmaster totally redesign my website. And there have been small projects interspersed within these bigger ones.

My husband has also been traveling – even while I was in Chicago – and my kids have gotten sick (me, too), and my son has graduated from middle school, and we’ve had a huge wildfire near our house, and we’ve had some yard work done. The house, as you might imagine, is a mess inside and out. Thank goodness, my husband is still working at his new, new job, as I like to call it (the one he accepted after he accepted and the resigned from the other new job), so I can finally hire my every-other-week housekeeper to come back and help me clean up the mess inside the house.

All this to say, I’m sorry for disappearing for a month, but something had to go. The blog turned out to be that something. But now I’m back. But…

I missed Shavuot, the holiday when we celebrate receiving the Torah on Mt. Sinai. I was hoping to get around to writing this blog on Monday so I could say something about the holiday, but now it’s past. With my book, The Kabbalah of Conscious Creation about receiving as well as giving, it seemed appropriate.

Instead, I received information to help me open to receiving on Monday. That seemed appropriate. I had a session with a woman who is clairvoyant and does energy work from a distance. She helped me clear some old issues that were blocking me. Interestingly, it took me back to a past life with an old boyfriend. (Hi, Eddie…) Who would have thought not being chosen in this life time would relate to being chosen in another? Or that either of these incidents would some how be affecting my ability to have my work chosen by a publisher? Well, according to this woman, it was all energetically tied together. And in the process of going back over my teenage years and my relationship with this young man, I received an understanding that previously had evaded me. I received an understanding I didn’t even know I needed to have.

I also let go of a piece of my past, making room for something new to enter – a little bit of future.

And, interestingly, this information I received did tie in to Shavuot. For on that day when the Israelites were given the Torah, they truly became the so-called Chosen People, entering into a covenant with God. And as I was told, I, too, on this awesome holiday, was asking to be chosen, opening myself up to being chosen, and allowing my work to be chosen.

My book, which I released in its proposal form to my agent after my session that afternoon so some publisher might choose it and me, will offer readers a way to open to receiving. In fact, it also offers me a way of opening to receiving. And in my session, I was reminded that sometimes we have to open our hands (stop controlling) in order to receive. And sometimes we have to let what is in our hands go so that something else we want can be placed there instead.

So, I guess in a kind of round about way I’m writing about Shavuot after all. I’ve rambled a bit here and there, wandered like the Israelites in the desert, but I think I feel I’ve gotten clarity in the last month and begun to see my path a bit more clearly. After finishing the proposal, I see where I am going with my book project. I see my work clearly. On another front, I see the need for balance in my life clearly. I know where I’m going. I’ve received helpful information, and I’m open to receiving more. I’m also ready to be chosen for the task I desire to take on.

They say that all Jewish souls in existence today were at Mt. Sinai when the Israelites were given the Torah. Maybe that’s why this feeling feels so familiar.

From Lack to Abundance in One Fell Swoop

I've been mulling over how one can seemly go from lack to abundance in one fell swoop. Maybe it's simply a mindset, though, a change in perspective.

My husband felt the lack of a job so profoundly for the four and a half months he was unemployed. He also felt the lack of any job opportunities. Then he landed a job. What do you think happened the following week? Not only did he receive several calls from head hunters and recruiters about possible job opportunities, but he also received a call from a former boss with a really great opportunity, which he is actually looking into despite the fact that he's just begun work.

Plus, whereas his dabbling in start up companies so far hasn't gotten him very far financially, the one he's gone to work for suddenly has some great deals in the works that might mean a fast sale. The other possible job could mean working for quick turn arounds, which means quick money as well.

There's abundance every where my husband looks if he opens his eyes to see it. He just needs to figure out how to take personal advantage of the abundance of opportunities and the abundance in general.

As for me, I have an abundance of viable book ideas. Actually, I have an overabundance of viable book ideas. The lack I have comes in the form of time to produce them and a perceived lack that there are no publishers to purchase my books. I say perceived, because some of the ideas have been turned down by large publishing houses and there are only so many small houses that cater to my niche. However, it is perceived...not real.

I need to figure out how to take personal advantage of the abundance of my ideas. I need to figure out how to make an abundance of time as well so I can write the books. I need to find an abundance of publishers, or at least just enough publishers, to buy my books -- and to pay me for those books.

In both cases, my husband's and my own, we need to be open to receiving all this abundance. We need to develop large containers to hold all the wonderful opportunities available to us.

How do we do that? First, (in light of Passover) by freeing ourselves from our perceived restrictions. We have to stop saying "I can't, I shouldn't, I won't, and I'm afraid." We begin, instead, reciting the words sung by Rabbi Gila Rayzel Raphael last night at the Chadeish Yameinu community seder I attended. We all sang together: "I will, I can, I know I should."

It is possible to do what we want and to have what we desire. We simply have to want it badly enough and be willing to change the perceptions that we can't have them, can't achieve it, aren't good enough, don't have the ability, aren't worthy. We have to want these things badly enough to move forward no matter what.

In my husband's case, he has to keep moving forward with the interviews despite the fact that he accepted a job, especially since the job culture where we live and in his industry is one of constant flux. And he has to believe he can create a situation in which he can take on situation all the way to fruition and then do the same with the next.

In my case, I have to believe that I can make time to write all my books and find publishers for them all and make money in the process. I have to then set out to do exactly that. I have to actually make the time, write the books and submit them (or have my agent do so). It's that simple.

Another way to increase the size and strength of our container and to open ourselves to receiving more abundance lies in giving. For me, that's easy. My writing involves giving to others. For my husband, he has to see that what he does is a way to give not only to employers but to those who use the end product of what the company manufactures. In addition, we can give in other ways, such as through tithing, charity work or anything that constitutes tikkun olam (healing the world).

Abundance is all around us. Lack is mostly in our minds. I'm not negating the fact that some people do, indeed, live in lack; their are people who don't have enough money to put food on the table or a roof over their head. Yet, the universe itself is abundant. With a little ingenuity and perseverance almost anyone that isn't too handicapped to take action can find a way to create abundance.

As Rebbe Nachman said, "Remember: Things can go from the very worst to the very best…
in just the blink of an eye." It's all in how we see things.

24 Minutes by the Ocean

Living fully today meant taking myself to the ocean if only for the 24 minutes I was allowed to leave my car parked in its parking spot. (Yes, the meter only allowed me to pay for 24 minutes.) It also meant paying myself for time spent preparing for a workshop and showing up to teach it even though no one showed up.

I admit it: I was depressed today. I had worked really hard to get ready for the Saturday night class and workshop. In fact, I gave up Shabbat to prepare my for both, because I had too much work during the week to do so. I can't say I had focused a lot of time and energy on creating a huge crowd at either the class or workshop prior to Saturday. I had done some advertising, but I hadn't focused my thoughts. I hadn't used my own Kabbalistic conscious creation process except in short spurts. I had, however, spent all day Saturday preparing. And for my efforts (minimal, I suppose...) I had one student on Saturday night and none on Sunday.

So, I drove myself to Aptos, CA, the next town over, and parked in a 24 minute parking spot. I put my money in the meter and first went to a little metaphysical shop down the street. There I purchased a beautiful amethyst bracelet. Payment for my time and effort, I rationalized. A gift to myself for putting myself out there, working hard, being willing to offer the class, trying to realize my dreams, wanting to share with and help others.

I walked back to the car. The meter had already run out. I put more money in the meter and bought myself another 24 minutes. Quickly I walked to the beach and sat on some rocks and looked out across the green, blue water to Monterrey.

The ocean always makes me feel better. I love the ocean and wish I had more time to walk and sit by its shore, to spend time writing while I listen to the music of its waves against the sand and the gulls in the air and the sea lions near the pier, to meditate with the surf as my mantra, to read and rest and rejuvenate. My busy life more often than not precludes me getting to the ocean as much as I'd like, although I can be at the shore in under 20 minutes. My favorite local beach is only about 30 minutes away.

So, while I could have let life bring me down today, I decided to live a little...to be good to myself. The bracelet will remind me of my efforts and the purple stones will offer me their energy every day. The trip to the beach was the real treat that lifted my spirits, reminded me of the goodness life has to offer, and reconnected me with something greater than the little disappointments in life.

Sitting there on that rock I remembered that the Source of that vast ocean and that beautiful piece of land on the horizon and the wind in my hair and the sun on my face was also the Source of the creative power within me. My desire to give back what I have learned -- to teach -- allows me to tap into that Source, which wants only to give goodness to me. I need only learn how to receive it, and to let it flow like the ocean waves. In and out. Receiving. Giving.

Just as God exists in everything, God exists in my experience this day...even in the empty classroom and my disappointment. God lies in the free will I was given to choose what to do with that experience, how to respond to it. My first response was to drive to the ocean and park the car for 24 minutes.

It's amazing what 24 minutes at the ocean can do for you. When I go to bed tonight, I'll see myself on that rock by the ocean, I'll touch the stones of the bracelet, and I'll know that today I lived my life a little bit more fully.

What's the Secret? Be Happy

I’ve been suffering from all sorts of medical ailments, which are mostly related to perimenopause. Dry eye. Weight gain. Migraine headaches. Aches and pains. It was the constant headaches – basically every day – that sent me to the doctor, however. Although she agreed that most of my problems came from age – nice to hear – and the changes through which my body was going, she said they could also be stress related or at stress aggravated. She felt the muscles in my shoulders, neck and head and said, “Go to a massage therapist every week. And have some fun.”

I had just finished telling her how the most fun I had every day was eating the great dinners I cook. I know I overeat to compensate for the fact that, sadly, eating is my most enjoyable activity each day. If I can’t do something for myself during the day, I figure I can at least eat what I like…and enough to feel really full and satisfied. I know that’s not only unhealthy but not true happiness either.

Sad to think that I might not be happy. Or am I? How often do I do things that make me smile or laugh? How often am I carefree, spontaneous, and feeling really good? Not too often.

Anyone who has ever watched the DVD or read the book The Secret or has listened to or read the teachings of Abraham as channeled by Esther Hicks knows that for the so-called secret – combining thoughts of what we want with feelings of already having it – to work, we must feel good. Abraham explains why: When we feel good, we vibrate at a frequency that allows in what we want. This is the Law of Allowing. In order to receive what we want, we must, therefore, feel good. We must be happy.

Uh, oh…maybe that’s why I’m not manifesting all my desires.

The Kabbalists say something quite similar. They say that as long as we are focused on what we want, which is an affirmation of lack, we are unhappy and aren’t allowing ourselves to receive what we want. We also are never satisfied with what we receive. We could ask for and receive a million dollars and then immediately want two million dollars. Thus, we are unhappy much of the time and die with 50% of our desires unfulfilled.

The main thing that stops us from being happy – and therefore receiving – is the unhappiness that we have because we feel separate from God. The Kabbalah Center calls this “bread of shame,” but I hate that term. It doesn’t sit right with me. The wife of Rabbi Ashlag calls it the “suffering of separation.” I like that better and it resonates as true. What she means is this: We suffer as long as we see ourselves as separate from God, because what we want it to be one with the Creator.

(This goes back to my last blog where I talked about the separation caused by God giving and us receiving. As long as there is a giver and a receiver, we are two individual entities. We are the receivers and God is the Giver. We have to learn to give unconditionally – to receive only to give – in order to act and be like God, thus causing us to feel and remember our oneness, our unity with God. Then we are happy. Then we receive all of God’s goodness.)

So, our work lies in finding ways to feel our oneness with God. The kabbalists would say, transform your consciousness. That new consciousness should be your primary desire. What is this consciousness? To give unconditionally. To receive only to give. Then we behave in a God-like manner…we become the giver and in the process we receive. What do we receive? Happiness. And with that happiness, we open ourselves to receive the constant flow of goodness from God. All our wishes are granted. All our dreams become manifest.

That’s the real secret – or maybe just the next level, the next phase that no one’s talking about.

It would be easier, I think, to go out dancing, see a comedic movie tak a walk in the woods. I'll try both...to do things that make me happy and to change my nature to one of receiving to give. I'll keep you posted on my progress.

The Law of Attraction: If You Don’t Want to Receive in Order to Give, You May Not Get

I had the most phenomenal conversation this morning with a Kabbalist in Safed, Israel, that gave me a much clearer understanding of how the Law of Attraction works from a Kabbalistic spiritual perspective. Given the fact that I do, in fact, believe that our thoughts are creative and that what we focus upon expands, and that I hear the criticism being heaped upon the author of The Secret for her book and DVD’s materialistic bent, I wanted to share a little of what I’ve learned.

As Avraham Loewenthal, a Kabbalist and artist who’ve I’ve mentioned before, explains it, the fact that we want something for ourselves is natural. Desire is part of our inherent nature. Of course we want to get “things” or to receive them; therefore, we want to discover how to get what we want.

Along the way, we realize that we receive most easily when we are in the process of giving. Giving makes us happy. When we are giving, we are open and able to receive. We become a vessel to hold God’s ever flowing abundance and goodness. That’s why when we are giving we feel happy. And when w are happy, we find that the things we want are easier to obtain. Sometimes they even just come to us.

That leads us to a consciousness of giving to get something in return. It’s a step in the right direction, but we aren’t yet there. Next, we must learn to receive for the sake of giving. At this stage, what we want cannot be found in anything physical for our desire is for a new consciousness, a consciousness that wants to receive for the sake of giving. This represents giving in the truest sense.

God gives, and we receive, but as long as we only receive – or we try to get “things” for our own purposes -- God remains the giver and we remain the receiver. We remain separate from the Divine. When we receive in order to give – by giving purely out of a desire to give, we remove the separation between the ultimate giver – God – and the receiver – all of creation. We become one with God, who’s only known characteristic is Its ability to give goodness to creation. When we begin giving for the sake of giving, we we are expressing that part of us that is created in God’s image, and the separation between Giver and receiver disappears.

That said, it isn’t easy to accomplish this feat. Yet, Avraham taught me, it is in the effort of trying that we find that we are truly doing the work we were put her to do. And part of that work involves being grateful for what we do have, being happy where we are now, having faith that what we desire will come to us, and cheerfully accepting that if we don’t receive what we want or need right now, something better will come to us in just the right time. I learned something similar from another Abraham, the one channeled by Esther Hicks. Abraham teaches that we must learn to be happy where we are, because if we are constantly wishing to be somewhere else, we will always be in a place of lack. And from a place of lack, we receive only more lack. But if we are happy and grateful in the moment, we open ourselves to receiving something else – something that resonates with the vibration of happiness and gratitude rather than with the vibration of lack.

That’s if for now…I’m off to try and practice this. Easier said than done, I know. Thanks for letting me try and explain these difficult concepts here in my blog first. They'll be put into by Abracadabra! booklet next. If you have any comments or thoughts, please e-mail me. I'd loe to discuss these concepts.