As the Spirit Moves Me

Yesterday was Christmas Day, but at our home, it felt a lot like Shabbat. Actually, it felt more like Shabbat than most Saturdays.

I really hate to admit that fact, but truth be told, most Jewish holidays, Chanukah included, fall during secular work days or at times when secular activities occur. For example, on Friday afternoons, my daughter’s swim practices don’t end until 7 p.m. This precludes our family from lighting Shabbat candles together at sundown or making it to services on Friday night. On Saturday mornings, my son has dance rehearsal and class, and sometimes my daughter has swim meets, which means that more often than not we can’t make it to Shabbat services. We used to make it to either Friday night or Saturday services most weeks, but as our children got older and busier, it’s become harder and harder to do so. We do have Shabbat dinner together and light candles at whatever time we manage to do so, but Shabbat tends to feel rushed and fit into normal secular activities. And Saturday - the actual Sabbath - rarely consists of activities that don’t traditionally constitute “work.” My husband and I drive our children here and there. We handle all sorts of things, such as errands. And we generally feel as if we’ve spent the day rushing around. Shabbat doesn’t feel peaceful, filled with study or prayer (at least not traditional prayer in a synagogue or with a minyan), or lacking in work-related activities. It definitely isn’t a relaxing day.

But on Christmas, the secular world - which happens to actually be primarily Christian - comes to a halt. Everything closes down and stops. There is nothing to do. There is no where to go. Even Jews can heave a sigh of relief, slow down, and stop.

For this reason, yesterday - Christmas Day - I was able to spend all day sitting in a chair in my living room by the fire reading a Jewish book. I did cook dinner and help my son with his studying (he has midterms in a week and half) and watch a movie, but I mostly stayed in that chair all day. Even the cat took up residence there with me.

I felt more relaxed and at peace then I’ve felt in a long time. Unfortunately, I had to have a Christian holiday shut down the secular world in order to have that experience. A sad fact.

I know, if I was an observant or an Orthodox Jew, I would find that same experience each Shabbat, because my world, my life, would shut down no matter what the rest of the world was doing. I’m not an observant or Orthodox Jew, though. And because I don’t want my children to have to give up the things they love to observe their religion - because I don’t want them to hate and resent being Jewish - I must deal with the fact that only on a few days - like Christmas - might I find this peace and relaxation. But it’s not Shabbat.

I have to find Shabbat on Shabbat in other ways. And I try…and sometimes I do…with a personal prayer, an attempt at hitbodedut while waiting for my son, or an act of tzedakkah while going to pick up my daughter, or reading the Torah portion when I finally get home. Or sometimes its just by making sure the whole family is together to light candles and have dinner together on Friday night. And sometimes I actually do get to go to services!

As I watch my children, I know I’ve made the right choices for them. I see that the Jewish experiences they’ve had have helped them develop strong Jewish identities that they express all the time. They attended services on a fairly regular basis for many, many years. They each had a b’nei mitzvah event, which they led from start to finish. They celebrate most Jewish holidays at home if not at synagogue. They also attended Jewish camp for many years. (My son will attend for his last year this summer.) This year my daughter’s swim team marched in the town Christmas parade. Their float was “The Grinch Who Stole Christmas.” All the other swimmers where well known “Whos,” like “Cindy Lou Who,” but my daughter named herself “Jew Who.” My son has chosen Jewish children as his best friends at school. It’s the first time he’s ever been in a school with any other Jewish students, and those are the ones to which he gravitated.

I love my kids. I’m happy to sacrifice for them - even Shabbat observance. That said, I’ll be happy when they either can drive themselves to their activities or are in college and I can go back to observing Shabbat. Until then, I’ll take that peace and relaxation where I can get it. Christmas may exactly have afford me Shabbat shalom(Sabbat peace), but it still felt awfully good.

December 26th, 2008 | Tags: Christmas, relaxing, Sabbath peace, Shabbat shalom | Category: Christmas, Shabbat | Leave a comment

The story of Chanukah revolves around two main points:  The success of a small Jewish army over a large Assyrian one in a fight for religious freedom or, maybe more accurately, against assimilation and the miracle of the sole jar of oil found in the temple that burned not for one day in as expected but for eight during the rededication of the Jewish Temple, which was defiled by the Assyrians.

Thus, the special eight-branched menorah, or chanukiah, provides the primary symbol of Chanukah. While most Jews today light candles in their chanukiah, it’s more traditional to use oil in memory of that small, miraculous jar of oil. Either way, the flame itself holds special meaning, and the Kabbalists, or Jewish mystics, had a special practice of candle gazing that can be especially powerful during this holiday, which is said to hold the energy of miracles. So, today, I’d like to share some information about candle gazing and candle light.

In fact, last year I was scheduled to give a talk at a New Thought church during the month of December. I asked the participants of a Jewish renewal list serve to share with me their thoughts and wisdom on the subject of “light,” so I could construct a speech that would be relevant to both Jews and Christians alike. Someone shared this information with me, and I’m doing the same in the spirit of “each one teach one.” I personally love this information, and I needed a review myself so I could take the most advantage of the candle light or light from my one oil chanukiah this year! I hope you’ll find it “enlightening” and useful.

A flame has three parts:

1. The inner part of the flame that hugs the wick and consumes the oil is the chashmal, the black or dark blue part of the flame. It represents the physical world, because of its physicality, its action of burning, transmuting and consuming the oil or the wick.

2. The main body of the flame is the aish or fire. It provides the principle source of light to the word around the candle; as such it is the spiritual element of the candle. It represents the Light of God. In Kabbalistic terms, we God created the world the Infinite One had to first create a space - a void - for something else to exist. In this void, creation happened. A light - Divine Light - was sent into the void to create the world as we know it. In many traditions, God is equated with Light.

3. The third part is called the nogha, the brightness surrounding the flame. This constitutes the subtle halo or aura around the rim of the flame. Sometimes we must adjust our eyes to see the nogha. In fact, stop for a minute and think about the Shabbat candle-lighting ritual: Jewish women cover their eyes after lighting the Shabbat candles supposedly because the blessings are usually said before an action, but you can’t do that in the case of lighting Shabbat candles; we can’t work after Shabbat begins and lighting candles represents work.  However, there’s another reason women cover their eye while saying the blessing: After they open their eyes, their pupils dilate, and it becomes easier to see the nogha surrounding the flame.

So, why do we want to see the nogha?  Because while the chashmal turns the physicality of the oil or wick into the spirituality of the aish or fire, the nogha moves the flame into the realm of pure potentiality. The nogha represents the future of the flame, the new height it aspires to be.

By looking at the chasmal and then at the aish, we move from physicality to spirituality, from physical being to soul level. When we then look from aish to nogha we move from soul level to the real of pure potentiality. When we gaze at the nogha we are looking at the place where miracles are created.

Interestingly, the nogha corresponds with the name for God given to Moses at the Burning Bush - the unpronounceable name Yud Hey Vav Hey, which means I will be what I will be or I am becoming what I am becoming.  This is the level of potential.  The nogha taps into the energy of that which has not yet come into existence but will be born. 

I’ve been told that we can access the energy of miracles during Chanukah. Maybe this is how…by tapping into the energy of the nogha, by accessing the place of pure potentiality. Now, we can find that any time, with any candle however, right? Ah, but Chanukah is a special time for this.

Let’s look at candles another way. In Judaism, we are told that the soul of a human being represents the candle of God.  If we are using a wax candle, the wax equals the energy - the thing the flame needs to keep burning. If it were oil, the oil would equal energy. The Kabbalists would have used oil for their lamps and candles. The Kabbalists took notice when two words have the same letters or the same root. It’s no wonder, therefore, that they noticed that while the Hebrew word hashemen means “oil,” the Hebrew word neshemah means “soul.” Notice that the two Hebrew words use the exact same letters.  What does this mean to us? In the wisdom of Kabbalah, the soul equals our energy. It’s our energy to do things and to get through things. It provides our potential to get through when things seem the darkest.

Let’s look at how this relates to the holidays we celebrate at this time of year: For the last two thousand years, Jews have lit candles on a moonless night at the darkest time of the year.  (This year, the first night of Chanukah actually fell on the Winter Solstice.) No matter how bad things looked, they remembered the miracles of the past, and knew God would deliver them.  Therefore, Chanukah demonstrates the certainty of light even in the greatest darkness. We remember that even when things are the darkest, the light always comes. The days get longer again. The potential for light exists even at the darkest moment.

The lesson seems clear to me. If we can uncover the spiritual opportunity hidden in life’s challenges, we will be strengthened and transformed through them. The winter solstice, which falls just at the time of the winter holidays - both Chanukah and Christmas (and Kwanza), helps humanity find the light of faith in the darkness of despair.

Sometimes when we find ourselves in the dark, and we feel despair, we just don’t have the energy to light the candle…to do what it takes…to ignite the fire that will transmute that oil into the potential for something else.

Our soul may be God’s candle, but it is also a spark of God, a small flame burning inside us made from the Divine Flame. Thus, as long as the neshama - the soul - is still in you, you have what it takes - the energy to get through to create miracles.  My rabbi has a friend who likes to say, “If God leads you to it, God will lead you through it.”

The Kabbalists have a nice teaching that corresponds to this. One the first night of Chanukah, we light just one candle - one light.  But, in fact, there are two lights. The shamas (helper) lights the light of the first candle and never leaves any one candle to burn alone. The shamas is symbolic of the Shechinah, the Divine Feminine Indwelling presence, and she come to see to it that each night has its Light.

In the same way, she stands with each soul to give that soul exactly what it needs to keep shining - to give it its oil, its energy. She ignites each soul out of Her own Essence and does all she can to keep them all lit up. In turn, just as the shamas lights the other candles, just as the Shechinah lights our souls, we can ignite the souls of others. We possess the potential to help others, to fuel others without diminishing our own energy source. I’ve heard it explained this way: A candle rising up on its own can have an infinite number of other candles lit from it without detracting from its own fire.

In addition to liking words, The Kabbalist liked numbers. They discovered that if you look at the sum total of all the candles for the eight nights not including the Shamas there are a total of 36 candles.  1+2+3+4+5+6+7+8 = 36  Some connect this 36 with the number of hours the primordial light at the beginning of creation shone in the Garden of Eden before the exile from the garden and before the hiding of that primordial light. Some say we don’t normally have ready access to that primordial light, but we do get temporary access at special times of the year. Chanukah is a time of access.  As such, it affords us a chance to see with great clarity and purity - so much so that we can have prophetic vision, we can see what is to come. Maybe access to that light also allows us to access the energy of miracles, to not only see into the future but to begin creating the future.

If you want to try the gazing meditation, try this on the last night: Begin by gazing at the first candle and focusing on one…the idea of one God…the one Creator…All that Is…lighting the many. There’s a unity that comes as the rest of the candles are lit. And as we plunge into the One, we move through the many. Follow the candles, gazing until you end up at a place of Unity - the seventh candle. Seven is the place of Completion.  God finished creation on the seventh day with the creation of the Sabbath, the day of rest and of rekindling the soul. On day seven, we achieve shalom, completion, the place where we are One with the One. 

Then, move beyond to candle number eight, the final candle. There we enter Infinity. We go beyond what we know, what has been created before, to enter a new realm, a realm of Infinite possibilities in connection with the One. Eight lights represent a miracle…beyond seven, seven represents the ordinary, the known, the revealed world created in cycles of seven.  Eight candles moves us beyond the known, beyond the cycles, beyond limitations and boundaries, into the extraordinary, into a place of transcendence, into the place of pure potentiality. Continue looking at the eighth candle while bringing the other candles also into your line of vision and see potential.   

Notice the special quality of the candle light emanating from the chanukiah. This is the eternal light of God, the hidden, holy light that existed before creation and that Adam and Eve saw briefly in the Garden.  Take a moment to try and connect with the primordial light and to see not only back to the beginning of creation but into the extension of creation.

(You can do this part of the exercise on any night of Chanukah.) Now, look at the center of one of the candles, at the chashmal, where it consumes the physical wick or the oil, transmuting the energy.  Allow the light of the candle to shine on your own life. Ask yourself where your energy is consumed? Where should you be placing your energy? What provides you with a source of energy?

Look at the aish, the flame itself, the spiritual center of the candle that sheds light on the world. Allow it to shine on your life and your world. Ask yourself, What you need to see more clearly? Has your soul been ignited? Do you need more light in your life?

Now, close your eyes briefly, and then reopen them and try to see the nogha, the aura around the flame that exists in pure potentiality. What does it tell you about what you are becoming? What does it tell you about your soul’s purpose? Can you see the potential in your life

Close your eyes and image that you’re are a candle. Your body is the actual candle stick and your soul is the flame. As you identify with this candle, experience yourself as a great light. Visualize the light of your soul radiating and shining brightly in this world. How will it help light other candles? How will it ignite the souls of others? See yourself like the Shamas, like the Shechinah, lighting other candles - other souls — without ever diminishing your own light, your own energy source. In fact, see your flame burning more brightly with each candle you light.

Visualize the chanukiah.  See the shamas growing larger and leaning forward toward your flame, adding energy, adding light. See your flame growing taller, stronger. Feel the increased energy within you, the increased spiritual force, the growing potential. As the shamas, separates its flame and moves back to the chanukiah, retain that feeling. Allow the vision to fade and still retaining the feeling as you come back to normal awareness.

This Chanukah, as many of us feel the constraints of the current economic conditions and darkness not only of the time of year but of the current world situation, may we all enjoy the light of our chanukiot filling our homes and our lives with  the possibility of miracles!

December 22nd, 2008 | Tags: aish, candle gazing, candle gazing practice, Chanukah, chanukiah, chashmal, light of candle, light of chanukiah, nogha, soul as God's candle, why Jewish women cover eyes when lighting candles | Category: Chanukah, Jewish holidays, Jewish mysticism, conscious creation, miracles, spiritual practice | Leave a comment

And if you are not, Judaism has a beautiful and very mystical prayer called the Ana B’Choach that can help you also untie the tangles you may have created in your life. In fact, the translation for the first line means, “Please, God, with the strength of your right hand, untie our tangles.” We are told that if we recite this prayer, God will, indeed, help do just that.

The following is how Rabbi Sheba Gold explains the prayer and a practice for using it. Since Reb Shefa is known for her chants, she doesn’t use the whole prayer but rather just the first line. You can listen to the chant here.

“Clearing The Way“

  Ana b’choach gedulat y’mincha Tatir Tz’rurah
      

 

 
Please, with the strength of your right hand, untie our tangles.           (Siddur)

 

 

This is the first line of a magical prayer ascribed to Rabbi Nechuriah ben Hakanah. The whole prayer contains 42 words, the initials of which comprise the secret unpronounceable 42 letter name of God.

With this practice we call on that aspect of God that moves through obstacles, dissolves resistance and opens the way forward for us.

Begin by asking, “What is the obstacle (inner or outer) that is getting in my way?” Lay that obstacle lovingly on the altar of the chant. As you chant, allow the power of God’s right hand to move through you forcefully opening the way ahead and delicately untying the tangles within you.

 

 

Interestingly, I was on Facebook the other day and noticed that one of my “friends” had noted her status as “praying the ana b’choach with a group of friends.” What a great idea I thought - not only to pray the ana b’choach, but to do it in a group. It seems the world itself has tied itself in many a knot and is in need of a grand untangling. It’s a good time for us all to say the ana b’choach together and individually, for ourselves, for each other and for the world.

If you would like to say the whole payer in English or in Hebew, here it is:

 (For a little clearer version of this, go to http://neohasid.org/resources/ana_bekhoach_liturgy/, which is where I found it.)

May the energy of miracles that fills the holiday of Chanukah also help you untie any tangles you may have made of you life since this time last year.

December 19th, 2008 | Tags: ana b'choach prayer, Chanukah, creating change, cutting whale loose, Prayer, tangled whale, untying tangles of life, using ana b'choach prayer as a spiritual practice | Category: Chanukah, God's hand, Prayer, creating change, religious practice, spiritual practice | Leave a comment

Anyone who knows me knows I’ve been studying human potential and personal growth for years. I’m always looking for tools and techniques to help people - myself included - reach their fullest potential and live fully as well. Plus, I like to put all of this into a Jewish context if I can. So, when I saw two opportunities recently to advance my Jewish knowledge in this area, I jumped at the chance. However, now that I’ve taken advantage of those opportunities, I don’t feel that I’ve learned something so different, nor do I feel that I have been told to do something so unique as I work towards becoming a better, more actualized person. In fact, I’m faced with the same old quandry.

I just completed a six-week course offered by Chabad’s Jewish Learning Institute called Soul Maps, Kabbalah to Navigate Your Inner World, which discused the primary premises of a book called the Tanya. This 200-year-old text named after its first word, which means “We’ve learned,” and written by Rabbi Shne’ur Zalman as a substitute for his personal mentorship, is supposedly the precursor of the modern self-help genre. It’s written to offer the reader a spiritual counseling session with the Rebbe, and the author sought to use the book to make the teachings of Kabbalah practical, relevant and accessible while applying them to human psychology. However, the Tanya also outlines the Chabad philosophy and ethos and serves as the “bible” of Chabad Chassidism.

During the time I was taking this course, which did not require reading the Tanya, I happened to have the time (something I rarely do) to read a book by Alan Morinis, called Climbing Jacob’s Ladder, which is about his experiences with the Mussar tradition. Mussar refers to a Jewish ethical, educational and cultural movement that developed in 19th century Orthodox Eastern Europe, particularly among the Lithuanian Jews.  The Hebrew term mussar comes from the book of Proverbs 1:2 meaning “instruction, discipline or conduct.” Its founding is attributed to Rabbi Yisrael Lipkin Salanter, and the way Morinis explains it, it’s all about changing our behavior, refining character traits and making choices so our soul can “shine” through.

Now this is not that different from what the Rebbe tells us to do in the Tanya. And both talk about it in similar terms. In both cases, we are told that we have a soul…although in one we are told that the soul has different components, one leading us astray, if you will, and one leading us down the right and righteous path. In either case, the point is to care for that soul, which houses a spark of Divinity. We want to let it shine. We want to let it be our guiding force to do good in the world, whether that means performing more mitzvot, or commandments, or simply behaving better in general (not getting angry or frustrated, not over eating, giving charity, being compassionate, etc.).

How is this accomplished? While the Tanya offers two options, I’m going to focus upon the one that seems to me quite similar to that offered by the Mussar tradition. Both tell us to become conscious, and, thereby, to make conscious choices. So, realize that you are angry, and choose to respond (rather than react) in a different manner. Realize you are overeating, and choose to stop eating…and take a smaller portion next time. Realize that you don’t need to spend $4.50 on a cup of coffee at Starbuck’s as much as you need to give the money to charity instead. Realize that you could could connect with God each day by simply taking time to say morning prayers or adding in some other mitzvah, such as saying the blessings over your food.

The problem with both the advice offered by the Tanya and Mussar, however, is the same as that offered by most other self-help, human potential and self-growth tools: You have to become conscious of your behavior first. And you have to want to change that behavior badly enough in that moment that you become conscious to actually do something differently.

The reason most of us fail in our efforts at change lies simply in the fact that we can’t muster the will power to follow through with the actual action of change. I may realize that I’m overeating in the moment I’m doing it, but rather than stop, I take another portion. I may realize I’m yelling at my kids again, but just continue doing so. Why? Because change is difficult.

It’s easier to do what we’ve always done, but our habits…and our habitual reactions…won’t get us any farther than they’ve gotten us right now. We won’t achieve any greater level of success than we have achieved to date by doing what we have always done. We have to change something, do something differently. We have to consciously choose to responde in a new manner. And that’s the hardest part.

So, this class and this book were lovely Jewish reminders of what I need to do. They offered a Jewish take on what I already know, and they even gave me some new terminology and some unique views on why we do what we do and how we look at change, but they leave me with the same issue: I have to want to change badly enough so that when I become conscious of my behavior I actually do something differently - I actually pursue my “Godly Soul’s” desires or develop qualities that allow my true Divine Nature to shine through.

December 16th, 2008 | Tags: conscious action, creating change in your life, Jewish human potential and self-growth methods and tool, Jewish self-help methods, living fully, Mussar, reaching full human potential, responding vs. reacting, Tanya | Category: conscious creation, creating change, human potential, living fully, personal growth, self-help methods | Leave a comment

I’ve been feeling a bit melancholy lately, as well as grateful for my children despite the fact that they are driving me absolutely crazy. In the last month, three children have died in Los Gatos, the town where I live. A middle school boy took his own life, possibly because his girlfriend broke up with him or because the other children teased him about his sexuality. A high school senior and football player died of a possible heart defect. And four-year-old girl died in her sleep of some bizarre infection. All of these parents now must face the holiday season while dealing with their grief. For them December does not represent a “jolly, jolly season,” as the Christmas song says.

I know another family that lost their son this summer. They went on vacation and he developed appendicitis. The operation was successful, but the 13-year-old boy -their only child - died of complications afterwards.

Last night I was so angry at my son and daughter. Suffice it to say that I felt disappointed in their behavior. I see so much potential in them, and I don’t see them doing what it takes to fulfill that potential. What if I were, however, one of those parents whose children’s lives had been cut short. Their potential now can never be fulfilled.

So, on this Friday night as I smell the roast beef and challah baking, as I watch the sun setting like a crimson and orange ribbon across the sky, I feel both sad and happy. I’m sad for those who have lost someone recently. I remember Rabbi Holtzberg and his wife, who were killed in Mumbai just a few weeks ago…a memorial will be held for him in Monterey, where his cousin lives, this weekend. I remember my daughter’s best friend, who took his own life a year and a half ago. I remember my father and my husband’s father and my friend, Bill Ellis…

I’m happy that my family will join me around the Shabbat dinner table. I may not have a chance to attend Sabbath services tonight or tomorrow, but I’m grateful to have the chance to drive my daughter to an activity that moves her closer to her dreams tomorrow instead. I’m happy that my husband will do the same for my son. I’m at peace with the fact that my husband and I will work together this weekend on our property and that we can send some time together in that manner. I can pray to God while I spread mulch or while I drive my children to their activities or cook breakfast for my family.

And I’m also grateful for Shabbat, a sacred 25 hours when we aren’t allowed to feel sad or to mourn. While those who have lost someone may struggle through Christmas or Chanukah feeling their loss profoundly, on Shabbat, the Sabbath, we are instructed to feel joyous. We must take a break from our negative feelings, our deep sense of tragedy and emptiness and loss, and we instead must fill ourselves with the happiness that comes from connection with God.

Maybe by remembering God, by reaching toward the Divine, by renewing our faith, we develop the strength to get through our losses. Or maybe the “break” from mourning allows our minds and our hearts to process the loss on another level, thus making it easier for us to deal with it come Sunday. In any case, during this sacred time, we let go of all that drags us down and makes us sad, and we lift ourselves up. We pull ourselves up by our bootstraps, if you will, and find a way to smile. And smiling actually changes the body’s chemistry and makes us feel better. And that’s a good thing, even for a little while.

And we can still think about those who have passed, and we can allow their memory to serve as a blessing - not a curse - upon us and our lives. We can smile and remember them and be filled with love and joy at having known them and having experienced their essence - their soul - for even a little while.

So, take a break from the holiday season, especially if it doesn’t feel so joyous this year, and celebrate Shabbat each week. Bring some joy into your life for 25 hours every seven days. When the holiday season doesn’t feel jolly, be happy at least once a week on Shabbat.

December 12th, 2008 | Tags: dealing with the holidays when you are mourning, death of children, holiday season, how to be happy, mourning, Shabbat, Shabbat as a time of joy, suicide, teen deaths | Category: Gratitude, Shabbat, death, happiness, how to be happy, when bad things happen | Leave a comment

I was at my mother’s home in New York the Friday after Thanksgiving, the day notoriously known as “Black Friday.” People hit the post Thanksgiving, pre-Christmas sales that begin traditionally on this date. The local outlet mall, Woodbury Commons, even decided to open their doors at 12 a.m (midnight) this year to boost sales and allow people to begin shopping as early as possible.

As we watched the local news that Friday night, we were amazed to see a story about a man who had been trampled to death at a Wal-Mart as the crowd that had been waiting to enter the store to take advantage of the Black Friday sales pushed forward in one huge rush and crushed him. They had also injured several other people, including a pregnant women. In their hurry to get inside the store, no one even bothered to stop and help the poor man. The throng just kept moving as fast as possible into the store.

Is this the holiday spirit we talk about at this time of year? Does the holiday spirit involve blatant disregard for the well-being of others and total regard for consumerism and getting the best deal no matter what it costs the next person?

At another Wal-Mart on Black Friday, two men drew guns in front of their arguing wives, and shot each other dead in the parking lot. The news report did not mention what the women were arguing about. Had one of them purchased the last of a particular toy or electronic item on sale that day? Did their husbands go to their defense?

I believe most people in America have totally forgotten the real meaning of the holiday spirit, and that makes this time of year - not just one day - black indeed. It’s a dark day when the spirit of giving becomes totally forgotten in the mad dash to get an item on sale no matter the cost. The season of light and love turns into a bleak testament to man’s self-centered desires and fears of lack.

And what happens while all those shoppers are at the outlet malls? The thieves have a hay day. My sister, who happens to love taking advantage of the great sales on Black Friday at Woodbury Common, avoided the place altogether when she heard that more than a few cars are broken into while people are merrily shopping.  Everyone gets a deal, I suppose…the shoppers and the thieves. More darkness brought upon the holiday season. While people are out purchasing gifts, which I admit does constitute the spirit of giving, they find that someone has taken from them. This cast a gloomy shadow on their spirit of giving. It puts a damper on their desire to give. It reminds me of the old pessimist’s saying, “No good deed shall go unpunished.”

How about we all avoid the malls and stores this year? Instead, let’s give gifts that can’t be purchased at all: time, love and attention. Give of ourselves. How about writing a poem for your loved one telling him or her how you really feel? What about giving your child a day with you spent doing whatever they choose.  Can you imagine visiting your parent with just a plate of their favorite cookies that you baked and a tape recorder and notebook and asking for a few hours during which they relate their favorite memories from their life?

Whatever you choose to give for whatever holiday you celebrate this December, do so with the true holiday spirit - the spirit of giving. Bring light into the world instead of making it darker than it is already. And if you venture out into the malls or stores, be aware of the people around you and the energy and spirit with which you make your purchases. Choose consciously how you will shop, what type of gifts you will buy and how you will treat the people in the stores - both other shoppers and the harried store clerks. Be the holiday spirit. Smile. Offer good cheer. Shower the wold with the light of your soul. Remember, it is pure. It has more light to shine than you can imagine if you let it - more than any Christmas tree or Chanukiah. Let it shine.

December 9th, 2008 | Tags: Black Friday, Chanukah shopping, Christmas shopping, Giving, giving gifts, holiday gift buying, holiday gifts, holiday shopping, holiday spirit, shopping after Thanksgiving, trampled shoppers | Category: Chanukah, Christmas, Giving | Leave a comment

I live in an area directly affected by the deaths of Chabad Emissary Rabbi Gavriel Holtzberg and his wife, Rivkah. They have relatives living in nearby Monterey, CA. Plus, I know the Chabad Rabbi, Yochanan Friedman, in Santa Cruz quite well. He and I had an opportunity to discuss the tragedy on Monday after a class he was teaching. Among other things, we talked about Chabad’s response to the terrorist attack on the Chabad House in Mumbai.

Despite the fact that the terrorist attack in Mumbai last week has been likened to the attack on New York on September 11, 2002, the response by the Chabad community worldwide has been nothing like that of the United States after that horrific event. In fact, it has been just the opposite. Rather than asking the world to take revenge on the terrorists, Chabad has requested that the Jewish world in particular respond by performing “mitzvot,” or commandments. These include acts of loving kindness, giving charity, lighting Sabbath and holiday candles, saying prayers, and studying Torah (the Old Testament or Bible) among other things. Even 6,000 college students united to take part in an emergency “Mitzvot for Mumbai” campaign launched by the Chabad on Campus International Foundation.

This community is not only mourning the death of two people who have been called “tzaddikim,” righteous ones, well loved and doing much good work in Mumbai, but also is having to deal with the fact that they are a terrorist target,. Yet, they are neither striking out in anger nor cowering in fear. Rather, they are reaching out and asking people to respond with love and good deeds in a time when hate and aggression seems the preferred emotion and action to take.

When the Chabad house was attacked on November 26, Chabad Emissary Rabbi Holtzberg and his wife were murdered. The Holtzberg’s son, who celebrated his 2nd birthday on that day, was saved by his courageous nanny. Interestingly, Rivkah’s parents requested that in her memory, Jewish women should light Shabbat (Sabbath) candles each Friday. In this way, just when the world seems darkest, women, who traditionally have the role of lighting Shabbat candles each Friday night, help bring light into the world. The hope remains that if enough women light candles each Friday, and if enough Jews fill the world with Torah and mitzvot, they also can fill the world with enough light so that terror and darkness have nowhere to hide.

Yet, everyone can learn a lesson and use Chabad as an example. If enough people in general – Jews and non-Jews alike – do good deeds and say prayers, we can accomplish the same thing. We can shine enough light into the world to create change in a very different manner. We can bring about change via an outpouring of love and light and good deeds.

Now, isn’t that better than taking revenge? I think so.

(Note: For information on Shabbat candle lighting as a spiritual practice, check out my booklet, The Priestess Practice. Or read my book teaser.)

December 3rd, 2008 | Tags: Chabad, Holtzberg, mitzvot, Mumbai, response to terrorist attacks, revenge, Shabbat candle lighting, terrorist attacks | Category: creating change, life, transformation, when bad things happen | Leave a comment

Thanksgiving is supposed to be a holiday when we celebrate our great abundance and prosperity. However, for many people, the current economic crisis may cause them to feel as if they have little to be thankful for this Thanksgiving. In fact, they may be experiencing so much lack in their lives that they can’t muster up even one serving of gratitude.

I know how they feel. So far, 2008 has been a tough year for my family. My husband lost his job last year just before Thanksgiving and didn’t find full-time employment until April. He was hired to help ready a company for sale, an event that was supposed to happen a year and a half or two later. The current economic crisis, however, has caused the investors to speed up that timeline, and the company will be sold by the end of the year, leaving my husband jobless again by the start of 2009.

Additionally, we have been carrying a large credit card debt for the first time in the 20 years of our marriage. On top of that, my son’s two hospital stays this summer left us with additional debt.

Besides all that, I’m a freelance writer and book editor/coach/consultant. While magazines are still paying for articles, would-be-authors have backed off on hiring editors or looking at self-publishing their books, because they, too, are feeling the financial crunch. The pre-holiday period tends to be slow in general as well. Thus, my workload had decreased to nothing, leaving my family without the additional income it needs to make ends meet.

The last two times I’ve paid bills, I’ve spent more time trying to figure out which bills not to pay rather than actually paying bills. And I’m sure I’m not alone in this endeavor.

As Thanksgiving approaches I know, though, that I’m being given a huge opportunity to change my negativity and worry into positive feelings that can help me change my situation. I’ve been a firm believer in the power of positive thinking and faith for a long time. I know that it can be hard to find faith and belief that good times will roll around again in the not-too-distant future and that we can weather the current economic storm when we are stuck in our negative feelings. Positive feelings, on the other hand, allow us to open back up to our faith and belief.

In my experience, you can always find something for which to be grateful, and during times of financial difficulty it’s all the more important to look for something about which to feel thankful. Faced with an economic crisis, like the one we find our selves in now, people tend to fall into a state of depression and worry. This doesn’t help them look for ways to change their current situation. It only perpetuates their state of lack.

The reason for this is simple: Depression and anxiety tend to make people lethargic and apathetic. Therefore, they don’t try to do things differently. They don’t try to make a change. They just remain stuck and feeling like victims of their circumstances. For me, that may manifest as sitting in front of my computer looking like I’m working but not really turning out any query letters to magazines or doing anything to drum up more editing clients. Or I may simply throw up my hands and say, “There’s nothing I can do about this,” rather than looking at how I can save $30 at the pharmacy on my prescriptions every month and remembering to change my Netflix account to a cheaper one so I save another $10 a month. Every little bit counts.

And then I can be grateful for my little bit of savings. After all, that’s what Thanksgiving is all about - Thanksgiving, which is why I, personally, love this holiday. This year, more than most, I think Thanksgiving actually offers us the antidote to the anxiety and depression caused by personal fallout from the current economic crisis. Simply being grateful and offering thanks for what we each do have, even if it is only a little, changes our whole attitude, and that can lead to other changes.  

What has been called “an attitude of gratitude” won’t suddenly cause a pot of money to manifest on my stove, but it opens me up to the possibilities of creating more abundance and prosperity. When I look around and see the positive things in my life, like my loving husband, or my wonderful children, or the fact that I have $10 in my wallet, am expecting a paycheck this Friday, am healthy, live in a beautiful environment, or have friends who love and support me, I feel better. Everyone can find something, no matter how small, for which to be thankful.

And when I feel better and more positive in general, I am able to find the energy to look for new opportunities to create sources of income. For my husband, this might mean starting his new job hunt, or trying to refinance our house or finding a creative way to pay down our debt. For me it might mean going to a networking meeting or offering a writing class or teleseminar while I’m waiting for a new editing client to give me a call.

Speaking for myself, I know I’ll be more open to finding solutions if I feel good. And I’ll be more likely to take action, because feeling good gives me energy. Feeling depressed and anxious takes my energy away.

Additionally, I’m going to try and giving a little this Thanksgiving. Even if I don’t feel I have enough for myself and my family, I can give a little money, time, energy, used items, or attention to someone who has less than I do. I can offer my professional expertise for free simply as an act of giving. I can invite someone to eat Thanksgiving dinner with me who is feeling the financial crunch more than I am. This gives me, first, the chance to once again feel gratitude. I can be thankful that I have the ability to give and to share. Second, giving opens me to receiving. In the process of giving, not only do I feel good but I allow in good things. Third, when I give I allow myself to get closer to God. God is the ultimate Giver, and by giving, I become a little bit like God. In this process, if I can feel a connection to God even for a moment here and there, I truly have something for which to be thankful. And that connection to the Great Giver will help sustain me during this time of financial crisis and strengthen my faith that not only will my own financial situation improve but so will the global situation as well.

November 25th, 2008 | Tags: anxiety, being grateful, being thankful, can't pay bills, depression, economic crisis, faith in God, finding solutions, Giving, giving when you don't have enough, Gratitude, paying bills, positive attitude, Thanksgiving, worrry | Category: Giving, Gratitude, Receiving, abundance, affirmations of action, conscious creation, happiness, lack, money, positive thinking | Leave a comment

I heard a great story today. As a way of showing his gratitude for and of giving back to the community in which he does business, a printer in Los Gatos, ProColor, decided to print free signs for any business in the town. Word got out, and he found himself with a volunteer wanting to help. Additionally, and more amazingly, a printer in Palo Alto, a town 45 minutes away, heard the story and decided to take his lead and do the same thing. The paper supplier offered the printer first printer a great deal on the paper as his way of helping out as well.

Why did the printer decide to do this? As a way to “pay it forward.” To do a good deed. To help someone out.

In Judaism, that’s what , or what we often translate as “charity,” is all about. The Hebrew world really means “righteous” or a “righteous act.” It’s doing the right thing.

Why don’t we all simply do the right thing more often? Why don’t we give unconditionally? Why don’t we lend a hand to those in need?

Are we afraid we won’t have enough? Are we afraid we’ll get hurt? Are we afraid we won’t get something in return?

How do we get beyond these fears and become tzadikim, righteous people? I think, first, we have to learn to move beyond our fears. Second, we have to move beyond our baser instincts, the part of ourselves that wants to look out for Number 1. Humans’ have that tendency, and it helps us survive individually but not collectively.

When we lived in small tribes and clans, we had to think collectively. We all depended upon one another for survival. Today, we think we don’t need anyone else at all; we think we can get along on our own. In truth, we have to think collectively now more than ever. We have to take care of each other, and we have to take care of the environment in which we live-Earth. If we don’t all reach out and help each other, as well as looking around at our greater “home” and try to make it a better place for everyone, we all may not survive.

I often listen to teleseminars by a publicist named Annie Jennings, of Annie Jennings PR. Her company slogan is “for the betterment of all.” She even encourages people to take her slogan and use it themselves. I suggest we all take it and make it our own, for if we all acted with the consciousness of doing things for the betterment of all, we would constantly be paying it forward-but we wouldn’t expect anything in return and the next person doing the right thing would be doing so as a given not as a surprising act.

That’s the core teaching of Kabbalah. We’re told to become givers-unconditional givers. Imagine a world of givers. Imagine…

November 18th, 2008 | Tags: charity, givers, Giving, pay it forward, tzedakah, tzedakim | Category: Giving, Kabbalah, creating change | Leave a comment